Emotions

Wouldn't life be much easier without emotions? At least it would be much better if we could only feel the positive and not the negative emotions. But I suppose it would be like having a world with only bright colors. I've heard life compared to weaving a piece of cloth with multiple-colored threads. It's the dark threads of despair that give depth to the fabric of our lives.

I've experienced both ends of the spectrum today--from the elation of passing check-offs to the absolute pits of despair over an issue I can do nothing about. It's just so much harder to recover from the lows than to come down off those fleeting highs.

I've been struggling to study for the past several hours and just can't concentrate so maybe I can distract myself by blogging about my past week and the future.

I've been stressing out for the past week over check-offs on Thursday, Friday, and today. I've managed to pass all of them, bringing me to the pinnacle of elation. Thursday was the drug calculations test. I wasn't particularly stressed out about that one because I've always done well in Math--and I aced it. Friday was more stressful because there was such a range of things we could be asked to do since it covered any procedure we've been taught except administering medications. I just knew I would have to perform a sterile dressing. It seemed every time I practiced it, I would contaminate something. Then the morning of the check-off, a student returned from their turn and reported that the cleaning/care of a PEG tube was one of the things we might have to do. HORRORS! Nobody had even considered or practiced that because we didn't even have any to practice with! Now I was begging God for the sterile dressing. I ended up having to be the very last one so my stress level was through the roof. I reached into the hat and drew GLOVING!!! This was the absolute easiest thing I could have drawn. I can just imagine God up there smiling at me.

The check-off today was the most stressful one because we've only been in the lab twice for this class (Assessment), and nobody knew what to expect. We could be doing inspection or palpation in almost any category of the head and neck including skin, hair, nails, lymph nodes, eyes, & ears. My assignment turned out to be palpating the toenails of one of my classmates. I wanted to giggle the whole time from the nerves and the hilarity of it. So I squeezed her toenails and assessed her capillary refill, texture, contour, temperature, & pain/tenderness.

I also experienced the gloom of quizzes. I HATE them. Give me a test any day, but please spare me from quizzes. I think quizzes should be used as a generalized measurement to monitor the class's reading assignments. They should not be complicated questions about constitutional defects! It doesn't help any that I really dislike my theory class. I honestly think I could take the same material and teach it much more clearly and in a way that students could see the connection to the real world. But I feel so befuddled all the time! I'm just no good at theory gibberish. Keep it concrete, I say!

On a more positive note, my nursing fundamentals prof indicated that she may refrain from quizzing us tomorrow. I think a classmate was trying to convince her that we have had a bit much on our plates the past few days. Another exciting thing to focus on is that I begin my real live clinicals this week. I'll be starting at Alexian Village, a medical center in a retirement community, at the ungodly hour of 7:00 a.m. on Thursday.

Well, I can't say that I feel much better, but maybe I've distracted myself a little. I guess I could just go to sleep so I don't have to think any more.