Meanderings of the Mind

Breathing is all it takes to be a miracle. --from the movie Garden State

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Location: Chattanooga, Tennessee, United States

I was recently relocated to Chattanooga by the Postal Service due to the closing of the Remote Encoding Center I worked at in Bowling Green, KY. I had just started my first semester at WKU majoring in Nursing. Since I had recently built a house, my options were to get a lower paying job and lose my house or to move and rent my house out until I have my degree. I chose the latter. I've travelled throughout Europe with my friends and sisters which I consider the highlight of my life experiences to date. I come from a family of 6 kids--4 girls and 2 boys ranging in ages 18 to 34. Only my youngest brother is married at this point.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Just a rare update

My life seems to go from crisis to crisis ever since I’ve lived in Chattanooga. I keep asking God to at least keep them a week apart, and He’s done pretty well at that. Occasionally I get piled on though.

Just when I thought I’d actually have a normal weekend with only normal homework, I received a call that a very dear friend of my family was killed when a drunk driver struck her and her husband as they were riding their motorcycle. I was in the middle of studying for exams that weekend so I just tried to shove it to the back of my mind and didn’t deal with the emotions. The funeral was delayed since they were trying to wait as long as possible to allow her husband a chance to heal enough to come to the funeral. However, he remained in a coma, and I just received word that he died today. After waiting a week, the family planned a funeral on November 12. That week the emotions all caught up with me, and I’d find myself crying at the oddest moments since I no longer had the stress of studying to distract me.

Shaleen Johnson was one of God’s angels on earth. She was the most vivacious, caring person I’ve ever known. She lived her Christianity the way it is supposed to be lived—full force, every day. She was always sending me encouraging notes and e-mails like she was my personal fan club. I rarely saw her in a negative mood. She was like a bright ray of sunshine that filled a room and was always praising God. Everybody who knew her, loved her. I have this vision of her in heaven dancing around in a flowing white gown, weaving crowns of daisies. She was quite artistic like that here on earth so I just know she’s having fun with heaven’s beautiful treasures. And she must be working the crowd, finding out everybody’s story with intermittent detours to rush into the arms of Jesus out of sheer joy. It just gives me a thrill to think of it.

Shaleen planned her funeral as her final party to celebrate her move to heaven. It was the best funeral experience I’ve ever had. She had helium balloons of every color tied all over the church which we later released at the cemetery. Well over 600 people attended this funeral and portrayed the diversity of lives she touched. There were over 100 motorcycle riders there in full motorcycle regalia to escort her from the service in Bowling Green to her place of burial in Franklin. They led the procession with a rider stopping at every road to block it off then falling in behind after the long procession had passed. She had even provided the pastor with the text of the message including verses that she wanted shared. Her final message was one of invitation for all to join her in a permanent celebration in heaven. It was just beautiful.

On my way to Kentucky for the funeral, I experienced another crisis. My car started expelling billows of smoke within a mile or so of my parents’ place. When I got there and opened the hood, there was some sort of liquid splashed all over the inside. I still wait in anxiety to hear the verdict. I only know it’s got something to do with my transmission. My dear friend Nancy loaned me her car for the duration. Thank God for friends!

I returned home after the funeral to work long hours on a very stressful project that had to be turned in on Tuesday. It felt like I didn’t have enough time to do it justice, but I prayed over it and turned it in. Now I await the verdict with additional anxiety.

After turning in that project, I turned my attention to a group presentation that was due today. Our topic was ethical and moral issues that nurses may have to face and how to deal with them. In particular, we focused on issues that nurses may have a conscientious objection to performing though they may be legal. My particular focus was on abortion and euthanasia. While euthanasia is not legal in our country except in Oregon, there is still a strong leaning in that direction. In my research I came across this really good quote by Nancy Valko, “We must all accept the fact that evil never limits itself and always seeks to expand.”

After spending all my spare time last week working on this presentation, I received a call from my friend I’ve written about before. Her ex-boyfriend showed up in Kentucky to take away her baby. She called me at work and was totally hysterical. He was there as well as the cops. She wanted me to testify on her behalf about the things I personally witnessed. While the thought of this was nerve-wracking to me, what totally set me off-kilter was the fact that the hearing was scheduled for Monday afternoon at 1:30. This was precisely the time my group was scheduled to give our presentation. It was Friday night, and this particular professor does not check e-mail very often and definitely not over the weekend. I sent off an e-mail anyway, just in case. No answer. So I lived in still more anxiety over the weekend with my thoughts oscillating from “I can’t desert a friend in need” to “I don’t want a bad grade” to “Surely the professor won’t dock my grade” to “I really don’t want to know if she is going to dock my grade because I WON”T desert a friend in need.” And so it went as I finished up my project and completed some miscellaneous homework assignments.

This morning after trying several times, I finally reached my professor. She was very understanding and said it was ok for my group to proceed without me. I had written my whole script out with my Power Point slides so another one of the group members could just read it off. I met with my group to go over last minute details then headed off to court as they headed off to class.

Then the real anxiety attacked me. I was going to have to testify very shortly and I hadn’t even had much time to think about what I was going to be testifying about. I knew this guy was a real psycho since he had admitted to shooting somebody and setting another ex-girlfriend’s hair on fire. My personal experience was limited to frantic phone calls requesting I come get the baby because he had cut his wrists, or calls that he was banging on her windows and wouldn’t leave her alone, or calls that he was on a rampage trying to find her and might be headed my way. I witnessed his threats when I went with her, her father, and 2 police officers to get her stuff out of her apartment which he wouldn’t leave. I also overheard phone conversations of him ranting and raving and threatening her. Since I have so little court experience, I didn’t know what I could testify to and what I couldn’t, and I was afraid I wasn’t going to be very useful for her.

My friend hadn’t even had a lawyer yet because all this happened over the weekend when you can’t reach anybody. When I got to the juvenile court, she was a total basket case of nerves. So I had to pretend I was all calm and collected and reassure her that everything was going to be ok—never mind that inside I was quivering like a leaf. Thankfully my prayers were answered and she had found a good lawyer. He was very calming on all of us. He finished up some notes then sat down to speak with me about everything I had witnessed. It helped so much just to speak to him, but the nerves were still there and not helped by the long wait for her case to be called. The judge only wanted the father, mother, and lawyers to start off. So we had to wait outside in case we were needed. After about an hour, her sister and brother-in-law were called in so I baby sat out in the van. After another long wait, they came out for the baby. It turned out they had run out of time, and I was not even going to have to testify because the other side had taken extra long, knowing she had witnesses. The lawyer said I will probably be called on to testify at the next court date set for February.

I decided that the real reason God wanted me there was just to show my friend that He was real and that He cared about her. She is not a Christian and not very open to hearing about God either. However, every time she gets in trouble like this, she asks me to pray for her. Today I told her that my family and I, as well as some other people, were praying about this situation. I told her that I had specifically prayed that she would find a good lawyer, and God had answered that prayer. I told her that God loved her and her baby, and only He could work things out for the best. She broke down and cried. It humbles me that God can use me to give somebody a message in spite of all my anxiety over the circumstances.

Now that it’s over, I’m back to a slightly lower level of anxiety. Ok, God, what’s next? Oh wait, I still don’t know the verdict on my car, and it’s almost time for finals...