In a panic

I've gotten through my first week as a nursing student, and I discovered quickly that it's not going to be a cakewalk. I'm totally petrified that I won't be able to keep up. One professor told us that she doesn't recommend that we work more than 10 hours a week. Uhhh, I'm working 40! I can understand why 10 hours is recommended, but I think I could work 20 and handle things with ease. But I'm really overwhelmed with all the assignments, which I haven't even touched because I have to work so much. I think I have about 18 chapters that need to be read as well as working the activities that go with them online and in the study guide. Additionally, I need to get my packet of required papers turned in and my fees paid. I really just need some time to organize.

I had a couple days when I went into a total panic, even considering selling my house, quitting my job, and living on loans. I just can't do that though. My house is my baby, and I'm obsessive about being debt-free. Besides, my sisters live in my house, and I can't uproot them. So I'm trying to arrange to get out of my capacity as acting supervisor at work so I'm free to go home early when the mail is low. That would give me some additional studying time. I thought everything was arranged for that starting next week, but then there was a glitch. So I'll continue in my state of panic for now.

I have several positives for the week too. My uniform has been approved by the correct person. Also, we began practicing taking vital signs which was fun. Today we practiced taking blood pressure in clinical until we thought our arms were going to fall off. It makes me feel so much more like a nurse. We also had some really good group discussions. One good thing that's incorporated in our clinicals is half an hour of exercise each class period. That's wonderful because my biggest obstacle to exercising is lack of time. The only problem is getting all sweaty and not having time to go home between class and work. I think that means I'll have to carry deoderant with me at all times.

A Nursing Student checking in

I’m now officially a nursing student. Today was my first day, and what a day! It began with orientation at 10:00. Lots of professors in and out of the room congratulating us on making it into the program. It is a hard program to get into, after all! I was told today that 125 applied and only 30 were accepted. I know that only 30 are accepted each semester, but I'm not sure how accurate the 125 is. We went over the packet of materials sent to us in the mail to clarify any questions. This took about an hour. Then we tried to get set up to take 2 assessment tests. It took another half an hour to iron out the bugs for that. This left us with only an hour to take 2 tests so we only took the 40 minute one. I’m not sure when we’ll be taking the other one. These tests turned out to be on a website that I think may prove very useful. It’s basically practice testing that helps prepare you for the NCLEX. None of the tests count for or against us in anyway. It just familiarizes you with the type of questions you’ll experience.

After a hike down the road to a deli catering to university students and specializing in pizza and Greek food, we started our first class—Nursing theory. Beginning with a few more welcome speeches by various professors, we each were told to introduce ourselves. Now we had just done this in orientation, and this was the same bunch of students. But I found it interesting anyway because it was a smaller room, you could hear better, and I’d have to hear those names a few more times to remember them all. Besides the “normal” first time nursing students, we had an EMT, an x-ray technician, 2 phlebotomists, and somebody who had just finished his master’s degree in exercise science all pursuing nursing degrees. We also had about 3 associates-degree RNs pursing their BSN.

The nursing department is changing their whole approach/philosophy in teaching this year. I guess we’re the guinea pigs. Everything will be taught from Orem’s self-care deficit theory of nursing. In a nutshell this philosophy approaches nursing from the standpoint that all individuals seek to have self-care and nurses are only involved when there is a deficit—in other words, they can’t care for themselves. I think they focus much more on getting people back to self care as quickly as possible, as well as not getting involved when it’s not necessary. It also involves cultural issues such as religious beliefs against certain treatments with an emphasis on respect for each person’s background and belief system.

We were all given the following questions to be answered as our first assignment:

I chose nursing as my profession because I believe nursing is…
I believe that the core (heart) of nursing is ….
I believe that the “focus” (main purpose) of nursing is….
My vision for myself as a nurse is that I will ….

I have this friend who told me all her answers are “the money” or variations thereof.

After this 2.5 hour class, my afore-mentioned friend and I decided to take the elevator up to the second floor since it was just around the corner and the stairs were all the way at the other end of the building. So we get in, the doors close, and I punch 2. Nothing. Punch 2 again. Still nothing. So Megan punches 3—we start to rise, and she immediately punches 2. Doors open on 2nd floor. We got off and proceeded around the corner in the direction we thought we should logically go. Everything was lit as normal, but we noticed that there was nothing in the rooms we passed. We saw several doors labeled “operating room—do not enter” and “x-ray room—do not enter.” Being the bold person she is, Megan was opening one “Do not enter” door after another with no results. We came to double doors blocking our progress, opened them and found more hallways leading nowhere. We wandered around in circles for a while, but only encountered more doors, more hallways, more dead ends, and more empty rooms. We were giggling quite hysterically by this time and feeling a bit like we were in a great maze. We finally found another elevator and made haste to ascend to the 3rd floor thinking maybe we could cross over that way. This time there were voices and inhabited rooms, but still not the 3rd floor we were used to. We kept walking down hallways until we stumbled upon the nursing section. We made a dash for the stairs and descended with haste to the 2nd floor. This was now familiar territory. Feeling confident once again, we decided to see if we could access the forsaken part of floor 2 on which we’d been lost. We finally discovered that going into a stairwell presented a door on the other side. We shoved it open and discovered our “operating room” once again, only from the other side. So close, and we couldn’t figure it out! So much for our adventure of the day! We decided that this building must have once been a hospital.

Our second 2.5 hr. class was Assessment which we began in the computer lab. We were instructed on how to access things on Blackboard for assignments, documents, and our eventual exams. We were also given usernames and passwords to access the online segment of our course hosted by the publisher.

During the reading of the policies and procedures portion of the syllabus, the professor read one that made me sit right up and take notice. “Swimsuits, halter-tops, or T-shirts may be worn during lab sessions in which you would need to remove outer clothing in order to practice assessment techniques.” OK! SCAREY THOUGHTS!! This is not going to be a comfortable class for me! We’re going to have to take off our clothes in a class of 30 people—and mixed at that! Now what do I do??? And I thought the uniform was complicated! Oh Lord, how much more am I going to have to endure? And what was that about respecting patients' cultural and religious beliefs? How about student nurses' cultural and religious beliefs--and make that a Mennonite student nurse while you're at it!

After another half hour of lecturing, I emerged from my first day at 6:30 p.m. with eyes glazed over. I was told Sunday at the Student Nurses Picnic that you feel quite overwhelmed for the first half of the semester. I think I’m beyond overwhelmed—I’m petrified! How am I going to manage all this reading and studying on top of working 40 hours? Lord, I’m going to need much bolstering and some extra brain cells.

All the sitting and thinking overwhelming thoughts produced one positive effect. I felt a need for some serious movement (I think I may be running away on the inside). So I went home, changed into comfortable clothing, and hit the Riverwalk. The temperature was quite pleasant as was the scenery, but it was oppressively humid. I didn’t mind at first because I was still a bit chilled from sitting under an air conditioner vent in my last class. But I was soon covered in a sheen of sweat, and by the time I had walked a mile and a quarter, I was beet red and every stitch of my clothing was soaked, and I don’t usually sweat that much.

Now after some sustenance, I must hit the books. And thus begins my first semester as a Nursing Student.

OCD

Definition of OCD courtesy of medicinenet.com:

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), one of the anxiety disorders, is a potentially disabling condition that can persist throughout a person's life. The individual who suffers from OCD becomes trapped in a pattern of repetitive thoughts and behaviors that are senseless and distressing but extremely difficult to overcome. OCD affects more than 2 percent of the population, meaning that OCD is more common than such severe mental illnesses as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or panic disorder.

Obsessions--these are unwanted ideas or impulses that repeatedly well up in the mind of the person with OCD. Persistent fears that harm may come to self or a loved one, an unreasonable concern with becoming contaminated, or an excessive need to do things correctly or perfectly, are common.

Compulsions--in response to their obsessions, most people with OCD resort to repetitive behaviors called compulsions. The most common of these are washing and checking. Other compulsive behaviors include counting (often while performing another compulsive action such as hand washing), repeating, hoarding, and endlessly rearranging objects in an effort to keep them in precise alignment with each other. Mental problems, such as mentally repeating phrases, list making or checking are also common. These behaviors generally are intended to ward off harm to the person with OCD or others. Some people with OCD have regimented rituals while others have rituals that change. Performing rituals may give the person with OCD some relief from anxiety, but it is only temporary.

Before I read this definition I had decided that anybody watching my door when I go to leave would decide that I have OCD. Of course, they would be wrong because it's just plain old forgetfulness that makes me leave and re-enter my apartment 2 to 3 times. I forget my water, my cell phone, my fork to eat my lunch--you name it, I'll forget it. Of course, it's mostly due to the fact that I wait until the very last minute to leave then grab my things and rush out the door while taking mental inventory. As soon as I get outside the door, or half-way down the steps, I'll remember something I've forgotten and have to go back and get it.

Then I read this sentence: "Mental problems, such as mentally repeating phrases, list making or checking are also common." Ok, maybe I do have a touch of OCD. I'm the supreme list maker. Phrases get caught in my head all the time. Even worse, I have to type these phrases out--my fingers literally move in typing them. At work I'll tell somebody to switch to flats, turn and walk back to my station, and commence typing "switch to flats" over and over in my head. It drives me insane. Of course, it is the phrase I say most often--it's my job. Then there's the thing with my keys. I'm so petrified of locking myself out of my car (I've done it twice) that I check and recheck that I have them in my pocket or purse before I close that locked door. There have been times I've known without a doubt that I put those keys in my purse and forced myself to close my locked door without checking. I literally cringe when I do it!

So is this normal?

Questions

Questions I get asked most frequently in Chattanooga:

Are you Amish?

What's the hat on your head for?

Do you drive a car?

Do you make your own clothes?

Do you make your dresses to match your socks? Or do you dye the socks to match the dresses? How can you match them so perfectly?

How long is your hair? Do you ever cut it? Do you wear it down when you sleep? Don't you get tangled up in it?

Are you allowed to date guys who aren't Mennonite?

How can you live without a TV?

Where do you go to church if since there are no Mennonites around here? Will you come to my church?

My favorite comment: "You sure don't fit in the box I tried to put you in."

Homemade bread

I made some bread this morning for Melissa's birthday. She told me a few months ago that her birthday is today, and she wants some homemade bread and Amish peanut butter. She was describing it to another supervisor who promptly wrote down her birthday for me too. Hers is only two weeks away so I just gave them each a loaf of bread and a container of Amish peanut butter. I also took a loaf along for Scott because I knew he liked it back in BG. He was quite thrilled, especially since he wouldn't have to share it with his wife. He said whenever he took some home before, it would just disappear. I get so tickled at these people's reactions to homemade bread.

Rights or privileges

As a Christian, do I have rights?

I've been pondering this because of all the grievances filed with the union at work. It seems so wrong to me that people constantly go around looking for things that violate their "rights." If you just look at somebody in a way they perceive as hostile, they file a grievance on you for creating a hostile work environment. Yes, this did happen, but fortunately, not to me—yet! Though I did have a grievance filed against me and another supervisor because we didn't "respect" a person. I'm still bewildered by that one because I don't recall even having feelings of disrespect toward the person, much less speaking disrespectfully. Granted, that incident made me lose all respect for the person, but I think I'm pretty good at faking it.

In the same line of reasoning, consider all the suing that goes on in this country. What ever happened to living a life where you acknowledge your mistakes, ask forgiveness for them, give and receive forgiveness, and go on? A mistake is no longer a mistake; it's a violation, and you must be prepared to pay for it—monetarily is preferred.

I don't think I have "rights" from a Christian perspective; I have privileges, and privileges can be taken away. If I have a "right" to something, it implies that I have earned it. What did I do to deserve the life I live? What makes me so much better than those victims of torture or genocide? Could God not just as easily have placed me in harsh circumstances? Especially in light of the sacrifice Jesus made for me, I am only an instrument to be used in His service to help other people. Why is it so hard to forget that? Is ease and prosperity so pervasive in American society that I begin to think I deserve things even when I haven’t earned them?

Furthermore, I believe that at the heart of the matter is a lack of thankfulness. If I see the good things in life as privileges rather than as rights, I will be thankful for them. “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:15-17, NIV). An unthankful person won’t experience peace—only discontentment.

Lord, save me from this cancerous attitude that pervades our society.

Francis Bacon

Some of Francis Bacon's aphorisms.....

Towards the effecting of works, all that man can do is to put together or put asunder natural bodies. The rest is done by nature working within.

Neither the naked hand nor the understanding left to itself can effect much. It is by instruments and helps that the work is done, which are as much wanted for the understanding as for the hand. And as the instruments of the hand either give motion or guide it, so the instruments of the mind supply either suggestions for the understanding or cautions.

It would be an unsound fancy and self-contradictory to expect that things which have never yet been done can be done except by means which have never yet been tried.

The cause and root of nearly all evils in the sciences is this, that while we falsely admire and extol the powers of the human mind we neglect to seek for its true helps.

The human understanding when it has once adopted an opinion . . . draws all things else to support and agree with it. And though there be a greater number and weight of instances to be found on the other side, yet these it either neglects and despises, or else by some distinction sets aside and rejects, in order that by this great and pernicious predetermination the authority of its former conclusions may remain inviolate.

Oh the depths to which I had sunk!

I've been taking classes non-stop since the couple free days after spring semester ended, so I've been doing the very minimum in housekeeping chores. It was beginning to drive me insane, but I knew I dared not take any time to clean when I was writing one paper after another. I finally finished writing my final research paper, and the first thing I did was attack my apartment with a vengeance. I had papers strewn everywhere from all my researching. My tub needed a thorough scrubbing from soap scum. I moved furniture to vacuum, I dusted, and I scrubbed sinks. I had 4 months worth of bills and receipts to file, as well as my papers from my SEMMA bookkeeping. The only thing I didn't do was scrub my kitchen floor which still needs to be done. Then I lit some candles and sat down to relish my clean apartment.

On Monday, I also finished my final which was a take home assignment to write an essay on me as a writer in relation to Gordan Allport's In-group theory and Francis Bacon's Idol's of the Mind theory. We were supposed to identify in-groups and idols (fixations) that influence our writing, especially the barriers that they create for us. I handed that in yesterday morning. This morning I handed in my final research paper--all 18 pages of it. Now I'm FREE for two weeks. Well, I still have to work, but I'm free from studying.

I am planning to go home for a visit and see my eye doctor. I've almost decided to take the plunge and get laser surgery done. I currently use CRT lenses, which correct my vision while I sleep then I can take them out and see fine for about 4 days before my vision starts to blur again. Most of the time I forget to wear them so I go around with blurry vision.