Musings

I've noticed I have this thing about chairs being pushed in. Ever since my highschool days when they made an issue of pushing your chairs into your desk, I can't go past a chair that's out without pushing it in. I have lots of opportunity to do this at work since there are hundreds of chairs and quite a few people who shove their chairs back when they leave for break and don't push them back. I really amazes me that people can just leave them out in the middle of the isle, and it doesn't bug them. The curse of an orderly mind!

On that same note, as a child at home, I rarely fixed my bed unless company was coming over. Now, I find it very hard to leave the house without fixing my bed. And I can't stand when the sheet comes untucked at the bottom. How odd is that? Is there a shift in the brain that takes place with maturity?

Scrooge

I feel like a royal Scrooge this Christmas. I haven't sent out one Christmas card or bought one Christmas gift. A combination of factors contribute to this. Somehow I'm not really in a Christmas mood, and I'm feeling the need to hoard my hard-earned pennies. Of course, I always feel like that after paying my tuition. Added to that, I wasn't even sure I'd get to go home for Christmas. I did find out yesterday that I got leave so I'll get to go. I still don't feel like Christmas shopping though. Last year I went all out. This year I'll scrooge, and maybe next year I'll splurge again.

I am really excited that we're going to go to Michigan to my mom's side of the family. My childhood Christmas memories are associated with Christmas in Michigan at Grandpa's. I recall the bitter disappointment the first Christmas we didn't go when I was 6 years old. I was the cause since I had contracted chicken pox at school. I remember thinking it just couldn't be! Now it's the exception instead of the norm to go to Michigan for Christmas, so I feel a childlike excitement all over again. Sadly, this will probably be the last time we will all be together since my uncle and his family are all moving to Wisconsin. Since they are Amish, they don't travel very often so who knows when I'll see them again. Additionally, my grandmother is not in very good health any more so it will probably be the last Christmas I spend with her.

I've been thoroughly enjoying my freedom from textbooks the last week. This past weekend was the first time in a long time I didn't have to study for something. My sisters came down on Saturday night to visit. We had a very lovely time being our warped selves until "The Incident" ruined it.

The Incident--I still shake my head in bewilderment. My youngest sister had just recently totaled her car and had found another to replace it. She quite proudly showed me her find, and we used it to go out to eat. I was elected to drive since I know the area. After eating and driving around a bit, we returned to my apartment. As I was turning in to a parking slot, IT happened. I'm still confused about exactly what happened, but either the accelorator stuck or I hit the gas instead of the brake. At any rate, the car lurched forward instead of slowing to a gentle stop. I slammed on the brakes and screeched to a halt. But, alas, not before bumping the curb, whereupon the airbags took it upon themselves to deploy--not to save our lives, but to ruin them for a time. After recovering from the shock of it all to register a complete thought, I felt more deflated than those hapless air bags. In fact, I was totally miserable. I had just ruined my sister's new car. The dash had erupted and the top had flown up to break the windshield. The key could not be turned or extracted. The body had not a scratch on it, the engine was totally intact, but those dreadful airbags had made a mess of the steering wheel and dash. After contacting a neighbor back home in Kentucky who happened to work for the dealership where Jolene had purchased the car, we were able to start the car by jiggling the steering wheel, but we still couldn't get the key out. At least they were able to drive the car home without having to tow it. It will cost $1100 to fix it.

As a side effect, I managed to injure my hand. It's been quite painful. As the swelling subsided a bit, a knot appeared and it seemed to get more painful. So I had to consider the fact that it might have been fractured. I got it x-rayed, but no fracture was evident. The doctor had me wrap it with a compression bandage to help with the swelling and give it some extra padding. Within a day, I could tell a difference. The color is changing from blue to yellow now and I can type much more readily. As all painful and embarrassing incidents, this one too shall fade into the infamy of my past with the occasional gleeful resurrection by my malicious siblings.

Joy

Joy is such a wonderful feeling! I've been experiencing it quite a bit lately.

Topping my joy list above all else is the news that I'm going to become an aunt sometime around next August. I'm so thrilled, I can hardly stand it. My brother just released us from keeping it a secret so what better place to broadcast it than the internet?

Running a pretty close second was the joy I experienced during my interview for my clinical class. We had to meet with one of the professors to receive our final care plan as well as an evaluation written up by the 3 professors who guided us through this first semester of clinical experience. I had been stressing out so badly over what my grade was going to be in that class. I just knew it was going to be a high B because I got an 89 on my first care plan. I drew the professor who had the reputation of being the hardest one for my second care plan, and this was going to be 30% of my grade. If I got all the points possible for my professional conduct and evaluations from my offsite clinicals, the lowest grade I could get to still escape with an A for the course was an 88%. When she told me I had gotten a 92% on it, the relief just washed over me.

The written evaluation by the 3 professors goes in our file for future reference when professors are asked to give recommendations for graduate school. The professor I met with read what they had written aloud to me, and it nearly brought me to tears. It literally felt like there was a bubble in my chest wanting to explode. They said such wonderful things about me, it just made me feel really humbled. After she finished reading it, she told me then that she thought I was definitely in the right profession. My patients loved me, and I was sweet without being syrupy. I tried to act with proper decorum while on the inside I was absolutely jumping for joy. It made all the stress of this semester worth it. I ended up just squeaking out an A at 93% for the course. Each of the other 3 courses came out at 96%, so my joy is complete.

There is also the small matter that my car hasn't given up the ghost yet. God is definitely smiling on me lately.

God and Finals

I think God enjoys finals. I know He gets more attention than usual over this time. It makes me smile when I look around just before we start and see people with their eyes closed, so I can just imagine it makes Him smile too.

The end of the semester is here!

I'm quite gleeful that the end of the semester is almost here even though it brings me to a torturous marathon of exams and finals. In reflecting over the past semester, I'm amazed at how much I've learned. I can't imagine how much more I've got to learn with another 4 semesters to go. I'm particularly frustrated with my inability to recall things I should know. There is so much knowledge coming at me that I struggle compartmentalizing it in my brain for easy access. Sometimes I feel I've reached my limit--NO MORE! But then I take a deep breath and plunge into the pool of knowledge and experience.

I'm so glad that nursing school is designed to keep one group of people together from start to finish. My class is so awesome! I feel as though I know a lot of them so well, and I've still got 4 semesters with them. A few of us were just discussing yesterday how comfortable we are discussing anything with each other. It amuses me to think that one guy in particular I didn't know at all at the beginning of the semester, and yesterday we were discussing male and female genitalia like most people discuss the weather. Before going to college, I would have felt a twinge discussing these things with a female I've known all my life, let alone a male I've only known for 5 months.

My last day of clinical I got to watch lymphedema therapy. Chattanooga has one of only 2 clinics in the country for lymphedema and I got to be in one of them! I was totally amazed to see before and after pictures. My heart goes out to people who suffer from this condition because it's not something that can be cured. They will have to treat themselves for the rest of their lives. The man who came up with the idea for the clinic was the one who allowed us to watch and gave us a lot of information that's not in the textbooks. One patient was from Sarasota, FL and her daughter from South Carolina was with her. They spoke of their search for years to find answers. They desperately spent money on any "solution" that was presented to them, all to no avail. They came across this clinic in an internet search. Now they just shake their heads in amazement at the success the treatment has had.

Saturday morning I awoke with a slightly sore throat. A feeling of dread washed over me as I realized that my annual or biannual bout of illness was about to befall me. I've experienced this particular malady every year since I "blew out" my vocal chords when I was teaching school. My voice is naturally low which makes singing soprano very difficult for me. Since I was the only teacher who could learn new songs by reading notes, it befell me to teach my students. I'd pitch the songs down to teach them and once they had it, I'd raise the pitch so they could carry on. But the strain was too much for my vocal chords and I ended up with a severe case of laryngitis. As the familiar first sign of sore throat hits me, I desperately start my rounds of every kind of cold pill on the market, hoping to avoid the inevitable trip to the doctor about a week into my self-treatment. Reluctantly, I agreed with my family that I should go to the doctor right away instead of waiting for a week. But I couldn't go on Saturday because I had to work, and they aren't open on Sunday. And Monday I had an exam, check off, and a paper due. So I decided I'd go on Tuesday with self-treatment of cold pills and NyQuil in the meantime. However, this time I progressed much more rapidly than before. By Monday morning, my throat was so swollen I was gagging myself and I had a fever of 100 degrees. So I took my notes and sat in a clinic studying for an hour while waiting to get in. Turns out I had a full-blown case of pharyngitis, laryngitis, and bronchitis. After my long day of classes, I headed for the pharmacy to get my prescription filled then went home and collapsed. I decided to forget about studying for finals and just sleep. I awoke in the middle of the night unable to breathe or swallow without going into spasms of gagging and coughing. So I dosed myself up with codeine cough syrup and spent the rest of the night sleeping fitfully while sitting up.

On the bright side, I have a very legitimate reason to call in sick. And I'm going to ignore all twinges of guilt, knowing how desperately they need me at work with all the overtime they've had. Since this gives me extra study time, I must see it as a blessing in disguise.

Speaking of blessings, I think my car is surviving on prayer alone. After they could find nothing wrong with it in Kentucky other than low transmission fluid, I retrieved it over Thanksgiving. I had to stop half way home and let it cool off for 15 minutes. But I made it home without having to call a tow truck. The next day it stalled 3 times on my way to work. I was praying desperately all the way. I just don't have TIME for car problems, much less the money. I was shamelessly begging God for a miracle cure. It hasn't stalled since!!! I now suspect the battery might be going out since the light keeps coming on, and my lights flicker a lot. But better the battery than the alternator.